Pain

Weird dreams tonight, weird day too. I just woke up in the middle of the night and iunno, very wtf. I didn’t go to bed horny or anything… so the dreams just kind of came by themselves. In my dream I was being played with, rough. They were taking turns using a violet wand and a wartenburg wheel down my entire body. It burned and felt amazing a the same time. Ever since I felt it for the first time IRL today I’ve wanted more. It hurt more then anything I’ve had so far, but it was a different kind of hurting. I didn’t want to pull away like I normally do from pain, all I wanted was more of it. Even the little marks it burned down my hand turned me on, I’m sad they’ve already faded. I want them to stay. But the most amazing thing about it was afterwards, my entire arm, even a lot of my body felt weird. It was kind of like the feeling I love about being tied up. The light headedness, the tingling in your limbs. I don’t really know how to explain it, it just feels like your slipping away. It’s so amazing.

Anyways, back to the dream. I was begging for them to turn it up. Begging for them to not stop. I was squirming around trying to make them run it down my back just one more time, then it got strange. I heard Mistress tell me to stop twitching. I tried to put her hand on my back. I wanted her to claw it, rough. I wanted to bleed. I kept squirming around for it bit, trying to get her to be rough with me. Slowly though, I started to figure out that I was just waking up in my bed with her. Iunno, it was very wtf, the transistion from sleeping and dreaming to being awake. I didn’t really realize or notice it. All I wanted was someone to hurt me. Once I “woke up” I was a bit freaked out. Plus a bit embarassed about what I’m going to talk about next…

Probably the most disturbing part of the dream was who was there. Mistress wasn’t there, that’s why it freaked me out when I “woke up”, I really didn’t realize I was at home. Instead it was actually someone I met tonight and another person who I’ve been talking to for awhile now. (Mistress will know who I mean). Iunno… that’s just kind of strange. Not sure why it bothers me but it does.

This is how I think I can explain it. I don’t want Mistress to get upset by this though. But I don’t associate her with pain. I love her and iunno… maybe love is bad for rough s/m relations. Iunno why the girl I’ve been talking to for a bit was there. I find it a bit.. iunno… she’s a sub, but I like her. iunno… I might be crushing on her a bit. It’s not like I love Mistress any less. Just lately, I’ve been being exposed to a lot of new things, and wanting to try a lot more new things (sexually). iunno, I feel the more I’m meeting people, the more adventurous I’m getting. And the more excited I am to try things with different people. I blame last night with (I hate using “scene names” but real names are bad so yeah…), It was exciting to have someone different. They did things differently and I didn’t know what to expect. With Mistress, it’s not as mysterious, I know how she does things. I still love her more then anything in the world, so I don’t want her to think something bad like that. I’m just trying to explain myself. And she knows I randomly girl crush on people. They just normally happen to be really dumb people…

Iunno why he was in my dream though 0.o Don’t have a reason for that yet.

I just really want to try out new things… and go deeper. I guess I’m done typing for now. I don’t really know what else to say…

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